The beauty of Musical Journalism is that a large chunk of it is subjective. But with the power and responsibility of opinion comes the dangerous habit of favoritism. As music continues to spread itself thin with countless genres and subgenres of minuscule proportions fans and ‘journalists’ alike equally take turns dissecting the sounds and intellectualize offerings to the point of no point at all.
This is extremely puzzling when I find the Metal community up in arms over a band’s rising popularity, especially when they’re compared to bands that only sound kinda/sorta the same. MetalSucks.net decided to gripe and qualm over the rising popularity of Christian Mistress, Olympia, Washington’s new ‘Retro NWOBHM’ hype. The website’s complaint is that they don’t get it.
“I’ve listened to their new album Possession and I think it’s pretty good.” States Vince Neilstein, the editorial’s author. And really, everything should stop there. In fact! this should be the introduction to a rave review of the bands new album, right? But that’s when they drop the ball:
“But it never ceases to amaze me how the hipster propaganda machine works, taking ordinary to decent bands and revving them up into a dizzying whirlwind of hype.”
What the fuck does that even mean? Aren’t all bands they get signed and get some kind of press start out as an ‘ordinary to decent’ band? And don’t bands that typically get signed and exposure earn these things because they’ve risen above ordinary? Isn’t that how it works? Clearly Mr. Neilstein is venting, but his comments thus far seem to contrast and confuse.
In the next paragraph Neilstein cries over the fact that both the bands Holy Grail and White Wizzard, who sound and look almost identical to eachother, are not getting their due props instead. In his mind both bands have the right sound, which is even more polished than the raw and rough sounds of Christian Mistress, whom he seems to compare to in music style as well. He then attacks their image: normal-ass flannel and a female for a singer. Judging from his reaction Neilstein has a problem with dudes not wearing denim jackets covered in Mercyful Fate patches and that having a female vocalist, despite admitting her singing as legit, is a marketing ploy.
Last time I saw videos and promo-photos for both Holy Grail and White Wizzard I thought I was back in the 1980s. These dudes look identical to the guys in Accept, Iron Maiden… every single metal band from 30 years ago; and their music sounds exactly the same too. Dude, Accept and Iron Maiden called, they want their music and image back. What’s wrong with looking normal and not sounded super produced? Christian Mistress are either not ‘popular’ enough to afford a polished sound, or more likely, they’re not trying to sound like everyone else.
Lastly, Neilstein furthers his theory on hipster propaganda by saying the Christian Mistresses’ label, Relapse Records, is a hipster safe haven. Um, Dude? Since when did Relapse become a ‘hipster label’? How man solid Death Metal, Grindcore and Stoner Metal albums did they put out before Mastodon came around, got kind of big and left for a bigger label and get nominated for two Grammys? How is that even 'hip'?
The point is that Mr. Neilstein, and possibly the entire staff at MetalSucks.net, really really like White Wizzard and Holy Grail, and are butt hurt that some other band, which they admittedly like, is getting more hype. Which is funny, because I don’t understand why they don’t just hype the bands they like even more instead of making whiny, sexist remarks about another band they like less, or don’t like at all.
What I’ve learned from Neilstein’s editorial is that he really likes Holy Grail and White Wizzard, and that you think having a woman as a singer will get a band more exposure, which shouldn’t even matter. His remarks are juvenile and trite I don’t like a lot of bands, too; and I don’t understand why John Gossard and Therapy? aren't widely acknowledged as the best thing since sliced bread, but I’m not loosing sleep and writing editorials about it. Although, maybe I should. I’m writing editorials about why people in positions like Mr. Neilstein’s need to shut the fuck up and stop hating or picking favorites. Heavy Metal and all that encompasses has come a long way for some jackass to split hairs.
The final caper to this trivial pursuit is when, through all the kicking and bitching, Neilstein closes with: “Maybe I’m totally off-base; I haven’t seen them live yet, after all.”
This is why Journalism sucks.
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