Metallica and Lou Reed: End Times

Dear Metallica,
Just Because you made albums such as Master of Puppets and Ride the Lightening doesn't mean that you're infallible.

Gene Simmons once said that there is no such thing as bad press, or maybe any press is good press. Same idea. If this holds true then Metallica must love all kinds of press. Their upcoming album, a collaboration with rock icon/poet Lou Reed, has been stirring up quite the storm. This alliance was originally formed during Metallica's stint as the 'house band' for the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame's 25th Anniversary festivities. What fans of either camp didn't expect was the two to make music. Several years later LuLu is ready to hit the shelves. Or is it ready to collect dust on the shelves?

This project's worst enemy has seem to have been the Internet. While not even released, press releases of lyrics and sound clips of the upcoming album have already been causing quite an outrage. While metal fans can be fairly open minded, they do not seem to be welcoming this album from the metal demi-gods with open arms. To put it mildly, the album sounds like it's going to suck.

The initial outrage came from a 30 second clip of the song 'The View' was released. (Below is a full length version of the song along with footage from the Hall of Fame performance) From the sound of the brief sample one could say that Metallica has another Saint Anger on their hands. It's not wonder why anyone would think that. Putting aside the fact that lyrics from the LuLu album have made James Hetfield cry, the music is horrible.

Death Magnetic may have hushed critics still jabbering over past follies, but 30 seconds of LuLu tells listeners that the band has lost their momentum, or better, their minds. Allow me to sum up what I feel this album will sound like: very shitty garage metal (likely played by teenagers trying to write 90s/2000s era Metallica jams) while one of their stoner uncles recites poetry over the music. Two separate entities forced to cooperate.

Now many of you are saying, "but you're basing this of just one song." It's sad to say that sometimes one song is all you need.

My theory is that Metallica's collaboration with Lou Reed is part of a giant ploy to be remain edgy and cool at the same time. All though Metallica somehow seems to be loved and praised after all the harsh things they've put fans through in the last 10+ years I don't think they'll be able to sneak by with this album. Bringing cool 'underground' bands on tour; playing shows with Slayer, Anthrax and Megadeth (all bands whom are successful, but not like Metallica) and now collaborating with Lou Reed; are all good press and perhaps good for their image. I give them points for giving themselves a challenge, but releasing it as an album? Although this is a collaborative effort and not the new Metallica album, this would serve much better if it were some long lost B-side released in 30 years. Maybe I'm paranoid, or over analyzing. Maybe I'm not. Maybe the band is part desperate to show their fans that they can keep it real while trying new things. You're not stupid, I'm not stupid. So Metallica, don't be stupid, too.

Metallica seems to love putting themselves on the chopping block again and again. While metal fans are always judging, criticizing bands; they seem to always have a feast when it comes to Metallica. Perhaps Metallica doesn't care. Maybe they know that they're so big that they can do whatever they want. They don't need permission from their fans. But seriously. What was the last good batch of songs Metallica put out? The second disc of Garage Inc. is fucking amazing, but it's all covers.

Perhaps the image of the coffin on the cover of Death Magnetic was an act of foresight by the band. They are digging their grave, one album at a time. Hopefully we can collectively stop caring and then they'll go away.